?

Log in

No account? Create an account
STEADY DECLINE [entries|friends|calendar]
Casey Robinson

[ website | 90564myspace ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

foot job / dad dreams / leather snappin wood [04 Aug 2009|04:28pm]
4 foot skank on your air mattress wet stain
sleak leather lowriders
so much ankle you'll lose your shit

5 foot 8 skank on your air mattress wet stain
you can slap me around if that's your bit
I won't wear any socks you'll fucking lose your shit

your place I'll call before
I'll click my heels you ll hear me outside your door
I can hear you breathe okay I want more
You're my 5 foot skank on the kitchen floor

hot dad and teen linolium cream
and I'll expose so much ankle you'll lose your fucking shit

we're riding on the kitchen island,
i'm gilligan in pumps and you're skipper
givin humps

you're latex on linolium and I'm leather snappin wood
I'm teen bitch
you're minivan

an' I'm fucking up your hood
yah I'm leather snappin' wood
2 comments|post comment

[04 Aug 2009|11:27am]
i haven't got laid in 10 billion years
i'm a prehistoric slut with cum in my ears

i wanna take a man and cut him to his knees
he can bite my hairy cunt
and eat my sweaty cheese

I think I'm in the swimming pool I think I'm on the lawn
I think I'm in car I think I hit a fawn

I'm a ten billion yr old cunt my dick's been fossilized
time gave me a wound and I bled red iodine
time gave me a wound and I'm dead before I realized
I hit my fuckin head
I hit my fuckin head

how to fuck how to fuck how to fuck
thick upchuck
how to fuck how to fuck how to fuck how to fuck
speed skank
post comment

boreds at worklol [30 Jul 2009|03:49pm]
this cube is giving me a rash
a fat rash inside my face up in my brain
i wanna shit carrots for days
and go swimming in a public pool

i wanna pinch my skin and go "woo ooh" \
and giggle like I'm in an inflatable chair,
I want beach furniture but I tihnk the bbq's alreadyover

omg i cannot
omg i cannot wait to get the ufck outtt
omg i cannot
i cannot like wait to get the fuck out
post comment

[28 Jul 2009|02:24pm]
The pulsing of the alert message when I save the shared excel file at work is really sexual to me. It's like the same rhythm my prostate pulses when I get a good thing going. Need bigger toys.
post comment

[28 Jul 2009|01:39pm]
I'M ALMOST OUT OF OTTAWA!

ONLY A FEW MORE DAYS!

MOVING TO THE MILE END.

HAPPINESS.

I WANT TO SWIM, I WANT TO MAKE OUT, I WANT TO GO SWIMMING AND MAKE OUT IN A POOL.
1 comment|post comment

[21 Jul 2009|10:50am]
my god do I ever not give a shit about this job.
post comment

LIFE [20 Jul 2009|01:27pm]
Pro:
.Good money
.Nice working environment
.Good recommendation
.Being "tough"

Con:
.boring/unstimulating job (but what else is new)
.loneliness
.boredom
.capoeira class ending anyway
.feeling of punishing myself/vague sense of responsibility

SO.

TO RECAP.
I'D ONLY STAY HERE FOR MONEY.

OK.
OK.
Gonna send the email now. I don't regret taking this opportunity at all. I only regret not getting involved in something sooner so I could stave off the boredom/loneliness.
BUT IT'S TOO LATE! AND I WANT TO HAVE A FUN AUGUST.
SO,
LIVE N LEARN, I guess. But this time I'm bailin'.
post comment

FUCK IT!!! [18 Jul 2009|09:44pm]
FUCK IT

.kinda had a lil breakdown on friday
.made flip decision to quit my job
.moving back to mtl
.fuck (my life in) ottawa
.renting expensive loft in the fuckin downtown for 350 (maybe)
.excited to have a life again, excited to have fun
.remembering happiness > money
.making big(ish) decisions in a semi-spontaneous way feels REALLY GOOD.
post comment

MANAGED! [16 Jul 2009|02:10pm]
so like yesterday my manager was all like, you're fucking the dog, stop it.
and liek today he took me into his office and said everything was OK, as in, I'm OK I'm no longer fucking the dog.

Normally I don't react well to managers or accept praise or criticism but in this case I'm kind of excited that I met someone's expectations. I kind of like being managed, maybe.

Maybe I just like challenges.

I had hummus today and one of the pita crisps was caught in my throat and then I had to hound the waitress down to get a god damn glass of water to wash it down and damn,
poor service. Never going to go to Cottage and Kitchen again.
It was a celebration lunch because one of the dept's projects had been recently completed/submitted.

Only a month and half more of this place! I'm so excited for this summer to be over.
post comment

[15 Jul 2009|10:03pm]
.failed to get laid last night, guy didn't make it to the door
.need to start attempting mansex irl.
.what is friend?
.did zombie groceries and ended up with the most useless food
.verbal skills in near disrepair
.trying to read "Kiss of the Spider Woman" and failing
.bike still broken
.knee still fucked
.in a constant state of inertia with a tight little grimace on my face
.i went to preschool, I should have more social skills than this
1 comment|post comment

[14 Jul 2009|08:33am]
I WISH I COULD COUNT ON YOU, TUPPERWARE.

BUT I NEVER CAN. BEAN JUICE EVERYWHERE I AM SO TIRED OF THIS.
post comment

[14 Jul 2009|02:12am]
I just had a dream where I was a black woman working in a clothing store who got gunned down after trying to citizen arrest a man hassling a woman in a change-room. She was celebrating an anniversary with her bff that was a rape survivor and they were about to go for a walk in the broken high heels she was wearingwhile....
post comment

rooms. girls. apt's. yeah [13 Jul 2009|11:06am]
Frustrated and anxious from searching for a room in the plateau/mile end for september.

September is a rough month, a lot of "competition". I really dislike this coolfest type of situation, I don't have any feathers to puff out in this department. I'm getting closer to being able to hold a handstand, maybe once I walk I can start calling myself a beginner circus artist?

Last night I had a dream where I had sex with a lady I really respect. It was hot. There are a few women I would love to get naked with. The vagina is kind of scary, but iuno, I'm pretty open to it. I don't know if I could get hard enough for intercourse, though. :/

On the bus to Ottawa I talked with a girl for a long while. She's been working for the federal gov't for years, writes informative brochures and creates training powerpoints for aviation...things. Poli-sci student. Has only lived and continues to live in student residences on campus. Her father says that she needs to "get responsible" and "grow up" this year 'cause she's turning 22. She's thinking of buying a condo. She has a semi-longterm boyfriend and has gone to northern manitoba for him. She's going there for christmas break. It all seems so heartbreaking and mundane to me, so straight. But, like, reality check, I don't have plans that specifically deviate from that either. Or something.

Bad moods.
post comment

MEN! [09 Jul 2009|09:44pm]
The capoeira ass is tight and full, muscular and sumptuous. The instructor is giving me statutory rape fantasies! One day he will feed me that cock, and I will run my hands through his fur and take in his musk.

I'm still in the STUPID BABY half of the class 'cause i'm a STUPID BABY but the upside is that today I got to follow Paul, one of the more senior students. I remember him from my first class where at the end we needed to do these cartwheel things and I was kind of nervous. His smile just lit up his entire face, like all the wrinkles and bones were in place just for that one stretch! It has a life of its own. That smile puts me in an opiate haze.

Men are beautiful creatures.
post comment

[09 Jul 2009|09:44pm]
wanna have a baby
post comment

Strawberry blond! [09 Jul 2009|08:26am]
I did not want to get up this morning, but I don't feel as groggy and gross as I had expected. Well, it's only 8 30. It looks like it's going to be an amazing day weather-wise. As I was walking to work this morning a speedwalker, she had beautiful glistening skin, strong wide hips and great strawberry blond hair tied up into a ponytail, smiled at me. I smiled back. Definitely made my morning. She just looked like such a happy creature. I'm glad bouncy women into light cardio and proper workout wear exist. They're like sunflowers.

I really got the short straw on these cubicles. My back is facing the entrance that opens into a main hallway. It's not humane. I have to hear people scuttle by constantly and the Director obv knows I'm fucking the dog. Whatever, officeplace.

I wanna read, like, fancy urban design / arch blogs but my brain is kinda sauerkraut so I think I'll just have a hit at some lookbook updates and like,
research rideshares, or something.

I haven't figured out where I'm sleeping, yet >.<

Got class tonight but my feet are still blistered. Hope I'm not exhausted.
post comment

NEGATIVITY PURGE! [07 Jul 2009|09:46pm]
Exercise, you give me time out of my head away from cyclical thinking! Can you give me more perspective? I like self esteem!

Tonight I did a headstand, which was cool. And a cool cartwheel thing. My feet are blistered. The 1.5 hours of semi-socializing is nice. YES! I LIKE YOU, CAPOEIRA.

I almost want to start practicing positive affirmations and creative visualization.

RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC AND MENOPAUSAL WOMAN ALL IN ONE.
(not that they're mutually exclusive at all, really)

NEW SHOES AND A TRIP TO THE LIBRARY TOMORROW! EXCITEMENT IN SOLITUDE!
2 comments|post comment

[07 Jul 2009|04:36pm]
your all welcome come hook up for lust or fetish, discuss Rock and Roll with other people like you.
why wait cum over today:

I've started craigslisting at work. I don't know why I waited this long. I guess I was feeling out the boundaries. Or something. Whatever.

For some reason I thought that a brief stint in another city would be good, and it was at first. A slight change of scenery, a new apartment and some new people probably have done me some good. And who knows, maybe this summer will lend me some maturity, or maybe some self-awareness that I would lack by having a fun summer running around montreal with my friends? There are a bunch of very practical and rational reasons that I took this job. In short, needed money and thought I didn't have any options in Montreal. So, in a sense, I was cornered. I also looked forward to the opportunity of exploring another place and possibly a new type of person. Unfortunately I feel a lot of shame surrounding my failure to have any sort of social life or activity in Ottawa. I guess I thought I was above feelings of loneliness to some degree, or that an adjustment period would come and pass, but I haven't found this...

I'm usually fine during the weeks 'cause I'm at work all day chatting with coworker chums and then working out / doing errands in the evening. The weekends are a different story and whenever I find myself at the fucking Rideau centre Chapters reading books on Buddhism I just want to - I want to say something tough like, " I want to fuckin' knife myself " but really, I just want to fucking cry the most pitiful whiny tears ever. I hate weekends. I don't know how to deal with this isolation. There are a few people that I've been vaguely acquainted with, but I feel like a nuisance to them. They have a life in Ottawa. This logic is weak and flawed, but whatever. I'm going to get over it and call someone today.

I can be chummy palz with anyone and have been with my coworkers. I think the loneliness is from not having anyone I REALLY LIKE around. I hate to sound heterophobic, but I really miss having a queer friend around and don't really connect well with completely heterosexual people (some of the time). I'm probably just making excuses for my lack of success socializing.

I'm trying to keep positive and be more active. I'm trying to be a good sport and not complain about something that I willingly signed up for. I just - at times - really regret it, and wish that I could snap my fingers and not feel as alone as I do now.

Eugh.
Time to irresponsibly use my mother as an emotional cushion without any regard to how this will equally upset her.

Or maybe I'll catch myself this time.

EDIT: I'm grateful for the amazing roommates that I lucked out with, could have been so much worse. The job I'm working could be A LOT worse. Many things are going well and I should remember this.
1 comment|post comment

Rainnnn [07 Jul 2009|08:40am]
The golden retriever rolls around in the blankets as I look for the coals formed in geometric shapes. Or are they formed coffee grounds? The lighting is sort of a twilight-and-phosphorescence with streaks of aurora borealis. The four year old is behind me, scolding me for trying to foil his plans of which I have no clue. I'm just looking for a dark triangle, rhombus and a rectangle? The dog stirs and I'm told by a voice to not trust it, that it can bite as easily as it can smile. It doesn't know that it's fucked up, it just does what comes naturally.

I wake up late, I left the window open last night so the white noise of passing cars and humming utilities could drone out my roommate and the chatting of his cute friend. So cute. I don't know if he knows that he's gay? I'm not a tyrant but like, c'mon. He's tots gay. He was good looking until he got a few drinks in him, then he got all sweaty and foggy in the eyes.

I eat the oatmeal that I had been excited to eat since last night. I alternate between that and protein shakes. I don't feel fit, I feel fat but the weight has nothing to do with it. I haven't run in a while with a busted knee as my excuse. I somehow think people would like me less if I got fat. But I always catch myself with those thoughts and realize fat people are cute, and am sure no one would really care. It might even make me more charming. I could be someones mother figure.

It's almost 9am and I don't want to wake up and put my brain against this tedious shit. Little less than two months left. Must call physiotherapist today. Need to get running again.
post comment

WOOO OOOOOWOOGA [06 Jul 2009|03:46pm]
LIEK!!!

okay it's like 3 48pm and so bored, like
bored.
I'm at work and I spent the better part of the morning digitizing a trailer park, putting a trailer park into the NGD. The webGIS application was really impressive (for buttfuck alberta!) and a lot of the trailers had pictures uploaded. It really fascinated me but unfortunately the pictures may be saved in some odd format and I don't have much energy right now to try to get around it.

I think that I've chosen my classes for September.
Less than two more months in the crapital!
If I ain't broke-ass I'm probs going to mtl this weekend, since Ottawa is boring and I kind of want to see an apartment, maybe.
ANY EXCUSE I CAN MUSTER.

It's pretty out, I'm excited to walk home. Excited to eat perogies and watch that samurai movie I borrowed from the library. Excited to play some keyyybbboard.

Capoeira tomzzzz. XXXCITED.
post comment

navigation
[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]